Watched the FNAF movie yesternight.

God, what a shitshow.

My ugly ass on my way to watch the greatest cinematic event of this year.

I went to the theatre knowing it wasn't gonna be no Wolf of Wall Street, but with over ten years in the making, I was hoping they'd do something a little bit more impressive...

I mean, the animatronics looked pretty impressive, (most of) their movements were really convincing! Shoutouts to the guys at Jim Henson's, who designed the animatronics.

Now, the plot and everything else that consists of the movie was super convoluted (as all Five Nights at Freddy's media should be, to be fair) and very poorly planned out.

But I know what you're here for... I've been trying not to spoil anything of the movie because some people might not have watched it yet but are dying to know about the movie's real hook: the Markiplier and Freddy Fazbear sex scene!

I have to say, as soon as I handed the cashier 13€ I was starting to regret my entire venture... Until a shirtless Markiplier appeared on screen, no fanfare, straight to action, grappled Freddy in the middle of a jumpscare and began kissing the robot passionately, stroking its body. This went on for twenty uncut minutes until Mark broke the ice and said "I can feel you're hard... What do you say, Freddy, is it FNAFfing time or what?"

The two would engage in what I could only decribe as the most beautiful two and a half hours of my life. Their climax was probably where they dumped the film's entire budget and also probably why it took ten whole years to film this crap. I really think chumps like Christopher Nolan, Wes Anderson, Hondon Boomalay, the Wachowski sisters, James Cameron and other Cawthon wannabes should learn a thing or two from the FNAF movie.

In retrospect, I was probably a little bit too rash in the beginning of this post. Sometimes it's just like that- you can't truly enjoy something if you just focus on its less enjoyable traits.

My actual reaction when the movie ended.

I give the Five Nights at Freddy's movie a 4/10. Honestly? Not enough jumpscares.